Special shoutout to my hubby-to-be for being my ass model.
Squat cobbler. Hoboken Squat Cobbler. Full Moon Moon Pie. Boston Cream Splat. Dutch Apple Ass.
Now you may be asking yourself, “What the hell is a Squat Cobbler?”
It’s when a fully-clothed man sits in pie.
In case you haven’t seen…
“Better Call Saul” photo via twitter (@BetterCallSaul)
I decided to make a Squat Cobbler of the banana cream variety for a couple of reasons. For starters, Jimmy does speak of a banana cream Squat Cobbler with Kim, and the pie that they are sharing in bed is also banana cream. Since you don’t see the act of Squat Cobbler taking place, I decided to replicate the pie that they share in bed.
When they’re eating the pie you can see the big chunks of banana in there (yes I analyzed the pie that much), so this pie is loaded with 2 bananas along with a copious amount of banana flavored custard.
*Pro Tip: “Painting” the inner pie shell with chocolate acts as a moisture barrier, blocking any wetness from the pastry cream or whipped cream from absorbing and making your crust soggy.
On the top of the pie there are some sort of chocolate dipped goodies. At first I thought they were bananas, but they didn’t really have much of a curve to them. The shape was similar to Milano cookies, and they’re delicious, so I decided to top the pie with the chocolate dipped cookies.
Using a cornet makes for brilliant, quick, fine decorating. I used one for the white chocolate drizzle on the Milanos. If you do not know how to make a cornet, please see the link in the Equipment section.
OK guys, get your sittin’ pants on, ‘cuz it’s time for some Squat Cobbler.
LOOT: 1 SQUAT COBBLER | QUEST TIMER: 3 HOURS 15 MINUTES
2 1/4 cups all purpose flour
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 tsp sugar
1 cup butter, cubed, chilled
1/4 cup + 1 tbsp cold water, plus more if necessary
BANANA PASTRY CREAM.
2 cups whole milk
1/2 cup + 1 tbsp sugar, divided
1/4 cup cornstarch
5 egg yolks
1 tsp imitation banana flavor
1 tbsp butter
WHIPPED CREAM TOPPING.
1 cup heavy cream
1/4 cup powdered sugar
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
CHOCOLATE COVERED MILANOS.
6 Milano cookies
1 cup dark chocolate candy melts (pre-tempered chocolate)
3/4 cup white chocolate chips
2 bananas, sliced in 1/4″ rounds
9″ pie pan
9×13 pan lined with plastic wrap
mixer with whisk attachment
Split or parchment paper
cornet – if you don’t know how to make one click here
knife and board
medium offset spatula
1.) In a large bowl combine the all-purpose flour, salt, and sugar. Cut the butter into the flour using a pastry cutter until it is about pea-sized. Add the ice water and cut into the dough until it is a slightly crumbly consistency that can still hold its shape when squeezed. If it’s too dry add water 1 tbsp at a time.
2.) Turn the dough onto a heavily floured counter and shape into a ball. Flatten into a disc, and roll out into a circle about 1/4-1/8″ thick. Transfer the dough to the pie pan and press the sides of the dough snuggly into the pan. Trim the overhang, leaving about 1/2″. Fold the remaining edge underneath itself along the edge of the pan. Crimp the edges using your right thumb and left thumb and index finger to create the crust pattern. Place in fridge and refrigerate for 1 hour.
3.) Preheat oven to 450ºF. Prick the bottom of the crust with a fork to help prevent bubbling. Using pie weights will also help with bubbling. Bake the crust until golden and crisp, about 12-15 minutes. Remove from oven, and completely cool before filling.
BANANA CREAM FILLING.
1.) Line a 9×13 pan with plastic wrap. Set aside.
2.) In a medium saucepan add the milk and 3 tbsp of sugar. Bring to a scald over medium heat. You’ll know you’re scalding when you get little bubbles around the edges of the saucepan.
3.) While the milk mixture is heating, whisk together the egg yolks, cornstarch, and remaining sugar in a large bowl.
4.) Once the milk mixture is scalding, slowly add half of it to the egg mixture while constantly whisking. Scrape the milk/egg mixture back into the pot of remaining milk and continue cooking over medium heat while whisking constantly, until the mixture thickens (it should be a nice custard consistency) about 2 minutes. Once the cream has thickened whisk in the imitation banana flavoring and butter. Strain the pastry cream through a sieve onto the sheet pan lined with plastic wrap to remove any chunks that may have been created. Spread into a thin layer and cover the custard with another layer of plastic wrap. Refrigerate until thoroughly chilled, about 2 hours.
WHIPPED CREAM TOPPING.
1.) In a mixer fitted with a whisk attachment, or with a hand mixer, whisk together all the whipped cream ingredients to stiff peaks, starting at a low speed and slowly increasing to a high speed. Do not over whisk or the cream can break!
CHOCOLATE COVERED MILANOS
1.) Melt both the dark chocolate candy melts and the white chocolate chips in separate double boilers or using small saucepans of boiling water with a bowl atop each. Once the water is boiling, reduce the heat, add the chocolates to the bowls and constantly stir the chocolates using a spatula until completely melted. Remove from heat.
2.) Place a Milano in the bowl of dark chocolate and flip it around with a fork to completely cover it in chocolate. Remove the cookie using the fork and place on a Silpat or parchment paper to harden. Repeat for each cookie.
3.) Fill a cornet halfway with white chocolate, saving the rest of the white chocolate for the assembly process. Snip the tip off the cornet to create a fine piping tip, and drizzle each cookie with chocolate. Set aside to completely harden.
1.) Using a spatula, spread the remaining white chocolate on the inside of the pie shell. This will act as a moisture barrier, preventing the banana cream from making the crust soggy. Cover the bottom of the pie with half of the banana slices.
2.) Evenly spread the banana cream on top of the bananas. Top with the remaining banana slices.
3.) Top with whipped cream, smoothing it out using an offset spatula. Decorate with 6 chocolate dipped Milanos. Now please at least taste it before sitting in it and crying.
Inspired by “Better Call Saul”